It was an eventful Monday Night as RAW emanated from Portland, building up to WWE's second-biggest show of the year: Summerslam. While there was plenty going on featuring many standout promos and segments, there were only six matches contained within the three hour and fifteen minute broadcast. While six matches is pretty sparse for such a span of time, it gave the performers ample opportunity to put together something that would last longer than a couple minutes, resulting in largely more enjoyable matches than last week's show and an Above Average RAW overall. Oh, and it was Hulk Hogan's birthday, Brother!
Kicking off the show, we had Paul Heyman and Brock Lesnar take the ring. Heyman delivered another heart-stopping performance on the mic, justifying Lesnar's loss to Cena in 2012, explaining how Lesnar will decimate Cena on Sunday, and even going so far as to spit out a couple rhymes to jab at Cena's chain-wearing roots. There may be nobody in the company's 50-year history that can deliver a promo like Paul Heyman.
Opening Bout: Roman Reigns Def. Ryback and Curtis Axel
After a poorly delivered promo by the returning corporate Kane, Reigns prepared himself to wrestle both members of Rybaxel. Granted, I can't remember the last time the ill-fated team scored a victory on WWE programming, so I didn't think Reigns had a whole lot to be worried about, anyway.
However, the match ended in an inexplicable disqualification when Axel and Ryback shoved Reigns into one of the ring posts... That's it. I know RAW is a DQ-happy show, but come on guys. Couldn't they at least have had one of them hit Reigns with a chair or something? The stupid ending completely overshadowed anything that happened over the course of the match and left a bad, bitter taste in my mouth. It didn't matter much, anyway, as Reigns proceeded to decimate and spear both men after his DQ victory. And if you though Kane's promo was poorly delivered, Reigns' was straight from hell itself (no pun intended). My mouth was agape in awe as Reigns yelled in poor Rene Young's face, "Does it look like I'm readyyyyyyyyyy?" No, Reigns. It doesn't. In fact, it looks like you need quite a bit more work before you're readyyyyyyy for that top spot you're being groomed to fill.
-1/2*
Match 2: Seth Rollins Def. Rob Van Dam
To make up for the fans getting screwed out of a RVD vs. Rollins match last week, WWE decided to give us a belated version tonight. Van Dam was in top form here, sporting well-placed kicks to the face of Rollins and Rollins played up the intelligent heel, moving out of the way of Rob's leg guillotine leg drop off the apron. Obviously everyone knew that Rollins would win, but this match was way too entertaining to be considered a garden variety squash match.
As enjoyable as the match was, though, it paled in comparison to the image of Ambrose bursting through one of Hogan's presents on the stage to attack Rollins as he made his way up the ramp following his victory. I don't know how they got Dean in there, but it was a fun moment, even if the production crew couldn't seem to press his entrance button at the right time.
*1/2
After the ensuing commercial break, Stephanie McMahon was in the ring to greet us. Just when I thought the whole Bella story was growing stale, McMahon called a woman who was apparently Daniel Bryan's personal trainer. Naturally, the woman in question "admitted" to having an affair with Daniel Bryan during their workout sessions. Of course! Bryan, you sly... goat, you!
Right on cue, Brie stormed the ring, slapped the trainer and took a couple minutes taking Stephanie down for the YES lock. At the time, I thought the slap to Bryan's personal trainer was a little uncalled for. As we found out later in the broadcast, she did, too.
Match 3: Jack Swagger Def. Cesaro
Poor Cesaro. This is a guy that had so much momentum coming out of his Battle Royal victory at WrestleMania, but has now been relegating to taking a jobber's entrance during the commercial break and inevitably losing to the guy that he made short work of a few short months ago. Ah, the fickle nature of the WWE.
Thankfully, Cesaro didn't go quietly. He and Swagger were seen firing on all cylinders here with near-falls, submission escapes, brutal uppercuts, faux high spots, and fantastic back-and-forth action. Has Cesaro ever had a bad match? He may be in a slump with his win/loss record, but it's clear he's better than ever in the ring.
*** Match of the Night
Next up, we're taken to an "interview" conducted by Michael Cole with both Jericho and Bray Wyatt... at the same time! Amusingly, Cole was told to leave by Wyatt a few seconds into the sit-down leaving only Bray and Y2J in opposite chairs facing each other. Jericho was dressed up in a suit just like his 2010 slow-talking heel phase.
Wyatt delivered yet another overlong promo, but I must say, it was fantastically delivered. Wyatt's monologue discussing how he's a monster and how the only way to save people is to hurt them went over well with me. In fact, I consider it my favorite promo from him since his debut (even if it did look like he was reading lines from time to time). Jericho's time was noticeably shorter, but he, too, has been fantastic in his delivery since his return a couple months ago. If only this match had a special stipulation, maybe I'd be as excited for it as I was a month ago.
Match 4: Eva Marie Def. AJ Lee
Yep. You read that right. Following a distraction from Paige, AJ did the unthinkable. She was rolled-up and lost to one of the worst workers in the company. A questionable decision to say the least, but it does give fans another reason to hate the red-haired bombshell. Hey, it could've been worse. She could've lost to Cameron.
DUD
Remember when Brie slapped Daniel's personal trainer? Well that came back to haunt her as we tried to get the image of AJ Lee's shoulders pinned to the mat at the hands of Eva Marie. Naturally, the personal trainer filed a report on Brie and, following Stephanie's example a few weeks ago, Brie Bella was arrested and carted off to the Portland police station. "If you make bail I'll see you at Summerslam," Steph remarked with a smirk as Bella left the arena in handcuffs. Smooth.
But wait, ladies and gentlemen, why have a match when we can have a dramatic John Cena promo?! God, you'd think that Cena would realize that when he holds up his hands to indicate that he's a 15 time world champion, he's supposed to do so from the audience's perspective. He's been holding up a 51 for months on that stage. Let's hope that condemning possibility never comes true.
Admittedly, Cena's promo was on the money and everything, though it was much more drawn out than it needed to be. Still, there's no doubt that any time Cena takes the ring whether it's to deliver an impassioned speech or beat someone with his five moves of death, he's always got the crowd in the palm of his rather large hands. Kind of reminds me of another overrated legend, Brother.
Match 5: Heath Slater Def. Dolph Ziggler
Heath Slater's incredible win streak continued tonight as he beat Ziggler by count-out after Dolph left the ring to attack The Miz. The match had some back-and-forth action and looked like it was going pretty well, but it was hard to tell as half of the time the camera was focused not on the action in the ring but The Miz standing on the announce table. -Sigh-
*
Match 6: Randy Orton Def. Sheamus
You've got to love Randy Orton. As far as in-ring workers and believable heels, you'd be hard-pressed to find better on the current WWE roster. This week saw him meeting the United States Champion fresh off his terrible match with Titus O'Neil on last week's WWE Superstars.
Thankfully, this match did not follow such a pattern. Unlike the O'Neil match, this one was fast-paced, hard-hitting, and without a doubt, entertaining. A particularly entertaining spot saw Orton belly-to-back suplexing Sheamus onto the announce table... which didn't break. Seriously, I think they must be making those things more sturdy lately, or something. Speaking of the Great White, as much as I hate his character he put on one hell of a performance tonight. Flying through the air, taking the fight to the outside, even skinning the cat at one point, Sheamus is far more agile than you might think just by looking at him. That didn't stop him from taking an RKO midway through an ill-fated dive, though. Did I mention that you've got to love Randy Orton?
**1/2
Of course, before the show went off the air, we had to celebrate the Hulkster's birthday. While Bob Dylan's "Forever Young" was an interesting choice for montage music, I enjoyed the majority of the proceedings. Seeing Hall and Nash take the ring to celebrate with Hogan and Hulk removing his trademark red and yellow shirt to reveal an NWO one was pretty cool. And would you get a load of Paul Orndorff's moustache! Cue Brock Lesnar to ruin the far-too-happy celebration only to be chased out of the ring by John Cena, and you've got yourself not only a birthday bash but a Summerslam buildup to boot. Because if there's one thing WWE's good at, it's killing two birds with one stone.
Kicking off the show, we had Paul Heyman and Brock Lesnar take the ring. Heyman delivered another heart-stopping performance on the mic, justifying Lesnar's loss to Cena in 2012, explaining how Lesnar will decimate Cena on Sunday, and even going so far as to spit out a couple rhymes to jab at Cena's chain-wearing roots. There may be nobody in the company's 50-year history that can deliver a promo like Paul Heyman.
Opening Bout: Roman Reigns Def. Ryback and Curtis Axel
After a poorly delivered promo by the returning corporate Kane, Reigns prepared himself to wrestle both members of Rybaxel. Granted, I can't remember the last time the ill-fated team scored a victory on WWE programming, so I didn't think Reigns had a whole lot to be worried about, anyway.
However, the match ended in an inexplicable disqualification when Axel and Ryback shoved Reigns into one of the ring posts... That's it. I know RAW is a DQ-happy show, but come on guys. Couldn't they at least have had one of them hit Reigns with a chair or something? The stupid ending completely overshadowed anything that happened over the course of the match and left a bad, bitter taste in my mouth. It didn't matter much, anyway, as Reigns proceeded to decimate and spear both men after his DQ victory. And if you though Kane's promo was poorly delivered, Reigns' was straight from hell itself (no pun intended). My mouth was agape in awe as Reigns yelled in poor Rene Young's face, "Does it look like I'm readyyyyyyyyyy?" No, Reigns. It doesn't. In fact, it looks like you need quite a bit more work before you're readyyyyyyy for that top spot you're being groomed to fill.
-1/2*
Match 2: Seth Rollins Def. Rob Van Dam
To make up for the fans getting screwed out of a RVD vs. Rollins match last week, WWE decided to give us a belated version tonight. Van Dam was in top form here, sporting well-placed kicks to the face of Rollins and Rollins played up the intelligent heel, moving out of the way of Rob's leg guillotine leg drop off the apron. Obviously everyone knew that Rollins would win, but this match was way too entertaining to be considered a garden variety squash match.
As enjoyable as the match was, though, it paled in comparison to the image of Ambrose bursting through one of Hogan's presents on the stage to attack Rollins as he made his way up the ramp following his victory. I don't know how they got Dean in there, but it was a fun moment, even if the production crew couldn't seem to press his entrance button at the right time.
*1/2
After the ensuing commercial break, Stephanie McMahon was in the ring to greet us. Just when I thought the whole Bella story was growing stale, McMahon called a woman who was apparently Daniel Bryan's personal trainer. Naturally, the woman in question "admitted" to having an affair with Daniel Bryan during their workout sessions. Of course! Bryan, you sly... goat, you!
Right on cue, Brie stormed the ring, slapped the trainer and took a couple minutes taking Stephanie down for the YES lock. At the time, I thought the slap to Bryan's personal trainer was a little uncalled for. As we found out later in the broadcast, she did, too.
Match 3: Jack Swagger Def. Cesaro
Poor Cesaro. This is a guy that had so much momentum coming out of his Battle Royal victory at WrestleMania, but has now been relegating to taking a jobber's entrance during the commercial break and inevitably losing to the guy that he made short work of a few short months ago. Ah, the fickle nature of the WWE.
Thankfully, Cesaro didn't go quietly. He and Swagger were seen firing on all cylinders here with near-falls, submission escapes, brutal uppercuts, faux high spots, and fantastic back-and-forth action. Has Cesaro ever had a bad match? He may be in a slump with his win/loss record, but it's clear he's better than ever in the ring.
*** Match of the Night
Next up, we're taken to an "interview" conducted by Michael Cole with both Jericho and Bray Wyatt... at the same time! Amusingly, Cole was told to leave by Wyatt a few seconds into the sit-down leaving only Bray and Y2J in opposite chairs facing each other. Jericho was dressed up in a suit just like his 2010 slow-talking heel phase.
Wyatt delivered yet another overlong promo, but I must say, it was fantastically delivered. Wyatt's monologue discussing how he's a monster and how the only way to save people is to hurt them went over well with me. In fact, I consider it my favorite promo from him since his debut (even if it did look like he was reading lines from time to time). Jericho's time was noticeably shorter, but he, too, has been fantastic in his delivery since his return a couple months ago. If only this match had a special stipulation, maybe I'd be as excited for it as I was a month ago.
Match 4: Eva Marie Def. AJ Lee
Yep. You read that right. Following a distraction from Paige, AJ did the unthinkable. She was rolled-up and lost to one of the worst workers in the company. A questionable decision to say the least, but it does give fans another reason to hate the red-haired bombshell. Hey, it could've been worse. She could've lost to Cameron.
DUD
Remember when Brie slapped Daniel's personal trainer? Well that came back to haunt her as we tried to get the image of AJ Lee's shoulders pinned to the mat at the hands of Eva Marie. Naturally, the personal trainer filed a report on Brie and, following Stephanie's example a few weeks ago, Brie Bella was arrested and carted off to the Portland police station. "If you make bail I'll see you at Summerslam," Steph remarked with a smirk as Bella left the arena in handcuffs. Smooth.
But wait, ladies and gentlemen, why have a match when we can have a dramatic John Cena promo?! God, you'd think that Cena would realize that when he holds up his hands to indicate that he's a 15 time world champion, he's supposed to do so from the audience's perspective. He's been holding up a 51 for months on that stage. Let's hope that condemning possibility never comes true.
Admittedly, Cena's promo was on the money and everything, though it was much more drawn out than it needed to be. Still, there's no doubt that any time Cena takes the ring whether it's to deliver an impassioned speech or beat someone with his five moves of death, he's always got the crowd in the palm of his rather large hands. Kind of reminds me of another overrated legend, Brother.
Match 5: Heath Slater Def. Dolph Ziggler
Heath Slater's incredible win streak continued tonight as he beat Ziggler by count-out after Dolph left the ring to attack The Miz. The match had some back-and-forth action and looked like it was going pretty well, but it was hard to tell as half of the time the camera was focused not on the action in the ring but The Miz standing on the announce table. -Sigh-
*
Match 6: Randy Orton Def. Sheamus
You've got to love Randy Orton. As far as in-ring workers and believable heels, you'd be hard-pressed to find better on the current WWE roster. This week saw him meeting the United States Champion fresh off his terrible match with Titus O'Neil on last week's WWE Superstars.
Thankfully, this match did not follow such a pattern. Unlike the O'Neil match, this one was fast-paced, hard-hitting, and without a doubt, entertaining. A particularly entertaining spot saw Orton belly-to-back suplexing Sheamus onto the announce table... which didn't break. Seriously, I think they must be making those things more sturdy lately, or something. Speaking of the Great White, as much as I hate his character he put on one hell of a performance tonight. Flying through the air, taking the fight to the outside, even skinning the cat at one point, Sheamus is far more agile than you might think just by looking at him. That didn't stop him from taking an RKO midway through an ill-fated dive, though. Did I mention that you've got to love Randy Orton?
**1/2
Of course, before the show went off the air, we had to celebrate the Hulkster's birthday. While Bob Dylan's "Forever Young" was an interesting choice for montage music, I enjoyed the majority of the proceedings. Seeing Hall and Nash take the ring to celebrate with Hogan and Hulk removing his trademark red and yellow shirt to reveal an NWO one was pretty cool. And would you get a load of Paul Orndorff's moustache! Cue Brock Lesnar to ruin the far-too-happy celebration only to be chased out of the ring by John Cena, and you've got yourself not only a birthday bash but a Summerslam buildup to boot. Because if there's one thing WWE's good at, it's killing two birds with one stone.
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